I Lost My Brother, and a Part of Me Has Died
Yesterday, I lost my elder brother. I didn’t realize that it would feel so deeply heavy in my heart to lose a family member. My tears are still not dried up. I still couldn’t accept that I will not see him anymore. Worse, I am working overseas, and I feel so helpless in the current situation.
My brother and I were not that close. It’s because he got married early. I was just in my college years when he moved out of our family home to start his own family. He had three kids. All are grown-ups now and had finished their studies.
It was rare that my brother and I got the chance to see each other after he moved out. Then, a few years after I graduated from college and had my first job, I started to work overseas. I only got the chance to see my brother once or twice a year every time I went home for a short vacation.
In the past 17 years, we have been neighbors. My house and his are only a few blocks apart. However, I was still not there because I am almost already living overseas, where my work is located. Despite this fact, I am glad because he became close to our parents who stay at my house.
In the last quarter of 2019, I decided to take a break from work, go back to our country, and stay there for a few months to be with my family. However, the Covid-19 pandemic started, and my planned few months of stay turned into one year. It was one year of being with my family and seeing my brother more often.
In that one year of a cherished chance of being with my family, I realized how it feels like to have an elder brother. We still didn’t become very close, though. Our family is not the expressive type. But I know we love each other through the thoughts and care that we show for each other. My brother was that to me.
The day before I went back overseas in October of last year, our entire family had dinner together. That was the last time I saw my brother. It is sad to know now that that was the last. Because we were not the expressive type, I just said a casual goodbye to him after dinner. He responded with, “take care there.” If only I knew that it would be the last time, I wouldn’t have gone back overseas.
For now, all I can do is cry over his sudden loss. Lots of things are going through my heart and mind. I feel so sad about the lost time of not showing him how much I loved him. If only there’s such a thing that I can buy life to get his life back, I am willing to give up everything I have for him. We both have differences. But despite that, my sibling’s love for him is priceless.
Losing him feels like a part of me has died too.
I LOVE YOU MY BROTHER.
To you who are reading this, I hope you will not waste your chances to show and express your love to your loved ones. Life is too short. We can’t have it back once it’s gone.
